Glitches - January 7th, 2019 [Results]

The show began with Elysium Executive Vice President Ned Thomas coming to the ring accompanied by Glitches General Manager Volkov. Thomas said that The Leadership of Elysium sees Glitches as an incubator for up and coming talent at that as a member of The Leadership, Volkov has their full support.

Volkov said that where he comes from a person proves their worth through action. Glitches will be a place where people will be awarded for acting. This brought out one of the newest signees, Zafar Khan. Khan entered the ring and took the microphone from Thomas, a move that drew a glare from Volkov.

Khan said that he is a man of action and that tonight he would show The Leadership that he deserves the opportunity to challenge whomever wins the Iron Title in the nights main event. Volkov smacked the microphone out of Khan’s hand and said, “Have a match before you make such bold statements. Talking is not action svoloch. Khan tried to step to Volkov but The Leadership left the ring without incident, the audience in The Dungeon cheering Khan.


The first match of the night saw Cassie Sykes make her in-ring debut against the similarly debuting Lena Skye. Sykes didn’t seem to take Skye seriously and hot hit with a Snap! Spear out of nowhere because of it. Sykes proceeded to lose her mind and laid into Skye with a series of forearms followed by a running single leg dropkick. Sykes then hit a hurricanranna and landed on her feet before “kicking dust” onto Skye.

Skye rolled onto the apron and Sykes went for a spear of her own through the ropes but Skye moved out of the way at the last second kicked Sykes in the face. Skye pulled Sykes through the ropes hit a German suplex off of the apron. Skye called out to The Dungeon and then hit Sykes with a Skye’s The Limit swanton bomb from the apron to the floor.

It took Skye a moment to recover and when she did Sykes was halfway under the ring. Skye pulled Sykes out from under the apron and Sykes had hold of a steel chair! Sykes smashed Skye in the head with a chair and the audience did not care for that in the least. Sykes set up the chair and sat Skye on it. Sykes then came off of the apron with the meteora!

Sykes slid Skye back into the ring and then they had a good old fashioned brawl. The two were exchanging strikes like they were born to do it. At one point Sykes tossed a roundhouse kick that caught the poor ref right in the side of the noodle. Sykes then spit some Blood Mist into Skye’s face and produced to mercilessly beat the shit out of her with heavy strikes. Sykes then retrieved the steel chair and wanted to do some more damage.

With the referee down and out, this was no longer a match but an attempt at a maiming. Sykes put Skye’s head through the chair and climbed to the top rope but from the back came Skye’s running buddy Marilyn Lee Cross! Cross hit the ring and Sykes thought better of her attack, she retreated while MLC mean mugged from the ring.

Winner: No Contest


Cigar between his lips, Volkov stood in his den watching the show on a beat up monitor, with Ned Thomas at his side. Thomas wished Volkov well with the rest of the show and explained that he would be travelling upstairs to prepare for Frontline. Volkov said that he would meet him and the rest of The Leadership there after the main event.

As Thomas went to leave, in walked the Triad Champion Switchblade Angels. Thomas gave them a nod and the went on his way. Boots Martin asked why they were called to Volkov’s Den and the General Manager explained that although their match was scheduled to be non-title, SBA promoted it on social media as a title match. Volkov said that The Leadership was impressed by them and if that was there wish, then it would be done.

Martin agreed and said that with the titles on the line SBA would only be more dangerous. Volkov smirked and exhaled a cloud of smoke, saying “That is the idea.” Martin gave Volkov an affirming nod and led her teammates out of frame.

The shot then pulled out to show Hybrid Champion Azurine Vebbins sitting on some road cases, tapping her foot impatiently. Volkov said that since the Hybrid Champion was booked on his show, then she could defend her championship as well. Volkov said that it would look very bad if she were to lose the championship only hours before she was set to defend it against F.M. Young. Volkov continued by saying that should Vebbins lose the title on Glitches, then she would have to answer to Ramona Holiday later on Frontline. Vebbins didn’t look deterred, she just stood, curtsied, and walked out of frame.


Well this one was fun, mainly because some of the people in The Dungeon knew Danny Hall from his BWF days and...well...they really didn’t like him. Gray Hendricks on the other hand got a heroes welcome, we aren’t exactly sure why. Hall seemed to take this personally because he started this match by kicking Kendricks right in the dick.

Hall dominated most of the early going until gray hit an impressive tornado ddt. Following a blockbuster, Kendricks was on cloud nine. Kendricks hit a series of springboard back elbows and then nailed his PDR roundhouse kick and called for the end. Kendricks hoisted Hall up for the GKO but Hall slipped behind Kendricks and hit another low blow. Hall then got Kendricks up and dropped him with The Trendsetter for the pinfall and victory.

Winner: Danny Hall


In the backstage area Cassie Sykes stood with new Glitches Interviewer Kristie Steele. Steele asked Sykes how she felt about what happened earlier in the evening but Sykes didn’t get to answer, she was approached by both Marilyn Lee Cross and Lena Skye.

Sykes said that if they wanted to attack her it wouldn’t look very good because there are two of them. MLC said that they weren’t going to attack her for what she did. MLC said that she would do it in the ring, next week. Sykes said that she would be happy to re-live tonight again next week (which means that she accepted the challenge).


The next match saw the Triad Division take center stage. Leland Morgan started the match against Helena Handbasket. Handbasket proceeded to kick the shit out of Morgan and what do we really expect from a dude that has yet to win a match in Elysium? Tommy Kapstone and Kara Scene seemed extremely pissed on the apron so as soon as Morgan was within reach, Scene tagged herself in and hit Handbasket with a springboard knee to the face.

Handbasket stumbled back into a tag from Riley Rouse. Rouse caught Scene with a superkick and then hit the ropes looking for a hurricanranna but Scene held her up and backed into the Static Age corner. Kapstone tagged himself in and came off of the top rope with his Skyhook corkscrew uppercut that took Rouse off of Scene’s shoulders.

Kapstone covered but Handbasket entered the match and broke up the pin. Scene got up and hit Handbasket with a dropkick that send Handbasket stumbling right into Jackie Naught which took the latter off of the apron. Handbasket rolled out of the ring and Naught got in her face, asking her what the hell happened. In the ring Kapstone dropped Rouse with the Ghostmaker and covered for the three count.

Winners: Static Age


Backstage there wass a commotion because the two biggest people on the planet were yelling at each other. “Kodiak” Carter Williams and Eschaton stood nose to nose while most of FORCE Security stood out of the way because they were scared. Honestly don’t blame them. The camera then panned over to show Volkov, still nursing his cigar. Eschaton immediately became the cooler head, saying that there was no reason to start this party without the other guests. Eschaton walked away leaving Kodiak breathing heavily like some kind of wild beast. It was tense.


Zafar Khan came to the ring and the audience loved him. Linden Cassidy then walked to the ring with a microphone and explained to the audience that he can see that many of them are using plastic straws and that it is disgraceful. Cassidy entered the ring and tried to gesture to the tron to put up photos of turtles eating said straws but it didn’t happen.

The bell rang and Khan rushed Cassidy and hit him with a running high knee. Cassidy fell back into the corner and Khan hit him with some running shotgun knees. Khan tried to mount Cassidy and hit him with some punches but Cassidy slipped underneath him, pulled Khan’s legs out and Khan ate the top turnbuckle. Cassidy took Khan over with a German suplex.

Cassidy rushed Khan but Khan hit his Tiger Style one man Spanish fly and covered for a three count which popped The Dungeon like a Leafs win.

Winner: Zafar Khan


Fade in to a shot of a silhouette of a man slowly walking toward the camera. The words “TIME TO REBUILD” appeared on screen and the man came into focus, it is Landon Carter. The text then read “NEXT WEEK” before the scene cut.


It was triad time as the debuting British Isle Brawlers took on the freshly minted champion Switchblade Angels. Sara Cross started the match against Morag Bean. Bean took charge by hitting Cross with a running forearm smash and then quickly tagged in Meera Makara. Makara ran in with a palm strike and then took a moment to play to the audience which was...wrong. Cross kipped back up and grabbed Makara by the hair, pulling her back into a hard elbow strike to the back of the head. Cross spun Makara around and hit her with a boot to the mid-section before hitting the E/L/E! Cross covered for a two count.

Cross dragged Makara over to the SBA corner and tagged in Payton Darkstar. Cross held Makara’s arms behind her as Darkstar hit the ropes and came back with the Quantum Leap punch! Makara went down and Darkstar quickly tagged in Boots Martin. Darkstar hit the Continuum Kick on Makara, followed by the Wildstar kick from Cross and finally the Burn The Crosses driver from Martin. Martin covered but Bean and Ash Fi entered the ring. Bean smashed Cross with a clothesline that took both of them over the top rope to the floor. Fi rushed Darkstar and speared her to the mat.

While the chaos ensued Martin smashed Makara with the Motor City Massacre which nearly turned her inside out. Martin covered and got the three count to retain the championship.

Winners: Still Triad Champions, Switchblade Angels


In the parking lot Zafar Khan was in his street clothes with his bag over his shoulder. He was signing autographs with a group of fans when someone hit him from behind! The camera pulled out to show Danny Hall standing over him. Hall got Khan up and sent him head first into a concrete pillar. Khan staggered backward and then tried to throw a punch but collapse face first on the concrete. Hall then knelt beside Khan and said, “Volkov wanted me to say hello.” before the scene cut.


The next match was a lil strange because the new Hybrid Champion Azurine Vebbins came out for her first match of the evening, despite having to defend her championship later on in the night. Turns out it wasn’t a giant deal because after the bell sounded Jake Archer tried to give his charge a pep talk and Vebbins pulled Spectre in from behind right into a Pearly Gatekeeper for a quick three count.

Winner: Still Hybrid Champion Azurine Vebbins


Backstage we saw the members of Static Age collecting their things. They spoke about their victory and how it was the first step in change for the group. Tommy Kapstone scolded Leland Morgan and told him that he nearly embarrassed them. Scene reiterated that point and said that tonight was big for them, that Kapstone had to wrestle two matches that night and Morgan nearly ruined everything. Morgan apologized and ensured that he would do everything in his power to make sure that Static Age went 2-0 by the end of the evening. Kapstone told Morgan that there would be no more tolerance for mediocrity. “Now that we have won, we will never lose again.” Kapstone said to end the segment.


Main event time and it was Elysium’s signature match for a highly coveted championship. For those who don’t know the rules, this is an elimination match where two people start and someone new is added every two minutes. You could be eliminated by pinfall, submission, referee stoppage, or in this unique case - by going through a table. Wrestling always makes sense guys.

The first competitor to come to the ring was the fan favoured Peaches. Out next was the similarly favoured Camille Harrington. The bell sounded and the audience was fully divided Harrington caught Peaches with some well placed strikes early but when Peaches was able to evade one Peaches took full advantage and took Harrington over with a springboard arm drag. Peaches followed that up with a cartwheel splash and got a two count.

At this point the buzzer rang and Lio Walsh casually walked to the ring. For a guy who openly claims to be insane, he looked suspiciously composed. Once Walsh reached the bottom of the ramp he grabbed Harrington’s legs from the outside and tripped her. Walsh dragged Harrington to the outside, peppered her with some rights and lefts before hitting her with a vertical suplex that saw Harrington’s lower
back come down across the barricade! Harrington folded awkwardly and landed in the front row.

Walsh taunted Harrington as Peaches came flying over the top rope out of nowhere with a plancha that took Walsh out. As both recovered on the outside, the buzzer rang once more and “Kodiak” Carter Williams stomped to the ring. Peaches tried to meet the mammoth head on with a leaping forearm strike but Williams just ate it. Williams grabbed Peaches by the throat and planted her with his Carolina chokeslam.

“The Insane One” looked to try his luck against Kodiak but Walsh did so armed with a kendo stick. Walsh swung on Kodiak but the giant caught the stick under his arm and then pulled Walsh right into his Kodiak Slam thrust spinebuster. With every one down, the Kodiak reigned supreme -- then the buzzer sounded for the last time to signal the final entrant.

The man called “The End of All Things” Eschaton came out and stood at the top of the ramp. Kodiak let out a prehistoric roar and charged up the ramp like the fucking Juggernaut. Eschaton stood ready and just before Kodiak reached him, Eschaton pulled out a goddamn stun gun and stuck Kodiak with it. Kodiak shook like Michael J. Fox and then dropped to ground. Eschaton stepped over the beast and made his way to the ring. Good thing that the stun gun was single use.

Harrington had recovered at this point and she crouched in the front row. As Eschaton walked past Harrington jumped onto his back and held him in an attempted rear naked choke. Eschaton went to reach back for her but Peaches grabbed his arm. Walsh then came in and with the kendo stick he cracked Eschaton in the mid-section a half dozen times. Enough that Eschaton was brought back onto the ramp in a choke that left him immobile.

Walsh then proceeded to smash Peaches over the head with the kendo stick and made his way back to ringside. Walsh pulled out not one, but two tables and set them up side by side. Walsh turned back to Peaches but was floored with a brutal savate kick from Harrington! Harrington slid Walsh into the ring and went to finish him off.

The Insane One tried to get up but Harrington put him on his ass with the Sit Down Bitch heart punch. Before Harrington could cover she saw Peaches re-enter the ring. Not wanting to take the chance, Harrington engaged Peaches, swinging on her but Peaches avoided it and got Harrington up for the Peach Driver! Peaches hit it but Eschaton was back up and heading for the ring.

Peaches ran and dove over the top rope with a springboard spaceman plancha but Eschaton caught her and tossed her up before bringing her down with The End of All Things powerbomb onto the apron. Peaches fell in a heap, down and out. Eschaton entered the ring and stood before Harrington and Walsh. But guess fucking what, Kodiak was back up and he was pissed.

Kodiak entered the ring and clubbed Eschaton in the back, Kodiak then charged and hit Walsh AND Harrington with a double clothesline. Kodiak tried to get Eschaton up but Eschaton caught him with an uppercut. Kodiak answered with a hard elbow to Eschaton’s face. The two started bombing each other with lefts and rights until Eschaton broke free and nailed Kodiak with his Revelations kick that send Kodiak through the ropes onto the apron. Eschaton joined him.

The giants slugged it out on the apron when Peaches re-entered the ring. Peaches signalled to Harrington and Harrington obliged, getting down on all fours. Peaches then charged and stepped off of Harrington’s back, flipping over the top rope. Peaches caught both Eschaton and Kodiak with a double blockbuster off of the apron through the two awaiting tables below!

Eliminated: Carter Williams, Eschaton

In the ring Walsh took advantage of Harrington’s distracted state, spun her around and planted her with Made of Nightmares! Walsh covered and got the three count.

Eliminated: Camille Harrington

Walsh saw the title on the horizon and slipped out of the ring. Peaches got up to her feet but Walsh took a piece of broken table and smacked her over the head with it. Walsh then sent Peaches face first into the ring post. Walsh rushed Peaches but she was aware enough to send him into the steel steps with a drop toe hold! Walsh stood up in a daze and Peaches rolled him into the ring.

Walsh got to his feet in the ring as Peaches ascended to the top rope. Peaches came off looking for a diving crossbody block but Walsh caught her and swung her around into the Made of Nightmares! The audience was not pumped at Walsh covered and got the three count.

Winner: New Iron Champion, Lio Walsh

At this point Volkov came to the ring with the Iron Championship over his shoulder. The Dreadnought entered the ring and presented Walsh with the championship. The Insane One held it high for all to see as Episode Two of Glitches went off the air.