Heinrik Gamble vs. Jake Archer

The camera opens on a rather unamused Jake Archer, standing in front of the Elysium Pro logo. For the first few moments he remains silent, staring into the camera as the scowl on his face grows. Raising a finger in the air, he points directly into the camera, hand slightly trembling.

Who. The hell. Is Heinrik Gamble?

Seriously, who is Heinrik Gamble? Does anyone know? I certainly don't, and I'm supposed to face this guy in his Elysium debut. I'm taking on a man who can't take three minutes out of his day to film a promo on his phone, yet I'm supposed to take him seriously? I'm supposed to treat him like a threat? Even if Heinrik had shown up and said three words, it wouldn't make a difference. He's still going up against

THE BEST
THE BEST
THE BEST
THE BEST

that Elysium has to offer! He's taking on the Greatkeeper, Mr. Elysium, the G.O.A. freaking T! I'm magic, people, and ol Heiney clearly realizes it. I mean, that's obviously why he hasn't shown face. He saw what I've done to all these jay-bones and he's busy getting his affairs in order. Smart man, that Heiney.

Archer cracks a grin, clearly drunk with power.

Heiney, baby, listen. I'm Jake Archer, which means I'm clearly better. That's just science. So while you could walk down that aisle and try your hand and beating the best, might I suggest Option Two. Option Two is where you walk away, forever leaving Elysium and saving face in front of your friends and family.  That frees me up to have FM's back once that nerd Sam Hamilton shows up trying to start something. Sam, you lost. Just accept it and move on, girl.

Heiney, I don't need five minutes to run you down. I don't need two. Because you're just Heiney Gamble, no-name Elysium schlub.

And I'm....

Nah. You're not worth it.

Archer smiles before walking off, the scene drawing to a close.