Frontline - March 25th, 2018 [Results]

Following the video package from the last episode of Frontline “The Master” Issac Combes makes his way to the ring. The crowd in Albuqurque is impressed by the man’s size but not so much by his actions. The music for Tiny Des hits and she comes down the rampway

Thad Balk: Tiny Des does not at all look nervous. She said that all that Combes’ actions did was “stoke the blaze of flaming curiosity”.

Filth Murphy: What the fuck does that mean?

Thad Balk: It means that she is here to do battle.

Filth Murphy: Nice.

At the bottom of the ramp Des stops and stares up at Combes in the ring. The Master glares down at her and mouths the word “Kneel”. Des holds her hands up and walks up the steps. She enters the ring before Combes and bows her head. She slowly begins to drop to a knee.

Filth Murphy: Holy shit! Combes wanted her to kneel and that’s exactly what she’s going to do!

The referee calls for the bell and Des hits Combes with a headbutt to the mid-section. Combes doubles over and Des attempts a snapmare but Combes plants his feet and lifts Des up and hits her with a clothesline to the back of the head. Combes shakes his head in disappointment.

Thad Balk: Issac Combs has promised to show Tiny Des what Hell is like right here tonight.

Filth Murphy: All she needs to do is look around. We’re in Albuqurque.

Combes irish whips Des into the ropes and on her return he hits her with a big boot. Des lands folded up on her neck and ends up face down. Combes puts a boot on the back of Des’ neck and only releases when the referee reaches a four count. Combes then wipes the bottom of his boot on the mat in disgust.

Thad Balk: This is Issac Combes’ first match and yet he carries himself like royalty.

Filth Murphy: As he should! You need to had confidence in your abilities.

Thad Balk: You are giving some excellent insight tonight Murphy, what is going on?

Filth Murphy: I’m out of weed.

The Master takes Des by the hair and literally throws her into a corner. Combes then runs in looking for a body avalanche but Des dives out of the way. Combes hits the corner and Des flies at him with a chop block. Combes drops to a knee and Des cracks him with an enziguiri.

Thad Balk: This is exactly what Tiny Des needs to do. She needs to chop down the tree.

Filth Murphy: A little hard to do when it’s a fucking redwood.

With Combes down Des starts hitting Combes with repeated running sentons to try and keep Combes down. Des hits about a half dozen in her Mountains of Madness combo before she flies into a cover and hooks Combes leg. The referee isn’t on the mat for a half second when Combes throws Des off.

Des tries to keep the pressure on but Combes is able to get back up. Des hits the ropes and comes running back looking for a cross body but Combes catches her and then lifts her up above his head with a gorilla press! Combes has Des held up high in front of the crowd and then he tosses her over the top rope to the floor.

Filth Murphy: That sounded brutal! Is Des dead?

The audience was torn on who to get behind but they chose the lesser of two evils in Des. Des landed hard on the outside and she seems like she is struggling to get her wind back. Combes confidently exits the ring at a slow, methodical pace. Combes slowly walks towards Des, letting the dread build.

Thad Balk: This man is something else. Des is not only fighting for victory, she is fighting for her life.

Filth Murphy: You should see every match that way. She lost in her debut, if she loses again then maybe Walsh or Finale starts to reconsider her contract.

Combes stands over top of Des but she hits him with a sharp kick to the knee that sends him backwards. Des shoots toward him and hits Combes with another headbutt to the mid-section. Combes tries to recover by charging at her but Des sends him face first into the steel steps with a drop toe hold.

Thad Balk: I feel like the momentum just shifted.

The Master is down, holding his face when Des climbs up onto the apron. She goes to enter the ring and then thinks better of it. Des instead climbs to the top rope, looks down at Combes and leaps off of the top rope with her Fiery Illusion (Frontflip Elbow Drop). She hits it perfectly and Albuquerque pops.

Thad Balk: Fiery Illusion! Right to The Master’s heart!

Filth Murphy: That was all or nothing for Ms. Mohawk but it paid off. I didn’t think it would.

The referee has reached a count of six as Des gets up to her feet. Des slides into the ring at eight but Combes starts to stand. The referee gets to nine and Combes has his hands on the canvas but Des hits a baseball slide at the last second and the referee hits the ten count. Combes has been counted out.

Robin O’Ryan: Here is your winner, Tiny Des!

Combes looks furious and he enters the ring to go after Des. Des gets her hand raised and then hightails it out of the ring, laughing. Des exits the ring area through the crowd and Combes looks furious, he turns his attention to the referee.

Filth Murphy: Uh oh.

Thad Balk: That referee needs to get out of there, Combes has evil intent in his eyes.

Combes grabs the referee by the collar and then rears back. The last thing that the referee sees is Combes’ head coming at his full force. The referee drops from the Weight of the Crowd, out cold. Security floods the ring but Combes calmly leaves without further violence.

Both Casey Grey and Helena Handbasket are already in the ring. The two are circling one another, wearing bittersweet smiles. It's obvious they're a bit hesitant to go through with fighting one another. They talk in muffled whispers to one another and, for a few seconds, the audience begins to wonder if they're about to walk off the stage.

Filth Murphy: There are no friends in this industry, these two need to get down to it or hand in there fucking resignations because this is about getting to the top!

Thad Balk: In an odd turn of events I agree with you.

Helena flashes an apologetic grin towards her opponent as she swings her right leg forward and begins assaulting Casey's lower body with multiple Shin Kicks!

Filth Murphy: Good, Twin Magic understands what I’m talking about.

Casey's eyes widen, a shocked yelp resonating from her lips. It takes her a few seconds to realize pacifism isn't going to work as she begins trying to give herself some distance. But Helena is relentless, and moves forward every time Grey tries to get away from the kicks. Helena finally shoves Casey onto her back and begins working on applying a Boston Crab to Grey!

Thad Balk: Helena Handbasket’s career has been at somewhat of a standstill since the truth was revealed about her being---well two different people.

Before it’s finished, however, Casey sees an opportunity. She reaches forward and grabs onto one of Helena's ankles, applying her own hold; the Heel Hook to be exact.

Thad Balk: Excellent transition by Casey Grey. It is my firm belief that she is a future star in this organization.

Filth Murphy: Yeah but she’s got demons for her old stomping grounds floating around and I bet that it’s going to mess with her focus.

Thad Balk: A valid observation.

Both women are on their backs now, with Helena looking torn whether to try to physically retaliate or grab onto the ropes and force the hold to be broken. After quickly weighing her options, Helena selects the 'flight' option as opposed to 'fight' and desperately reaches out for the ropes.

Thad Balk: Helena needs to get to the ropes, Grey has this hold locked in perfectly.

Her fingernails brush against the ropes a few times. Finally - and thankfully - she's able to grab firmly on them.

Filth Murphy: Would you say that it is---Textbook?

The referee begins counting, and Casey lets go before the official reaches five.

Thad Balk: ...yes.

Both fighters slowly get up to their feet, each wearing a serious expression in their eyes. They charge forward, locking up with one another. After a bit of a power struggle, Grey picks Helena up and throws her down onto the mat with a Sidewalk Slam. Helena throws her head back as she screams in pain, trying to recover.

Filth Murphy: Man Helena looks like shit. Is this the sister who can’t fight? Must be.

But Grey isn't going to make that an easy feat! She leans down and picks Helena up once more, this time executing a Powerslam! Handbasket hits the mat hard but she shoves Grey away and begins to “Hulk Up”. Grey catches her with a hard kick to the chest but Handbasket just absorbs it and continues to get to her feet.

Filth Murphy: I wonder if she is racist too…

Thad Balk: I highly doubt it.

Grey snaps off a to kick to Handbasket’s mid-section and gathers her arms up for the GTO (Double Arm DDT) but Handbasket swings out of it and looks to put Grey down with a sitout rear mat slam but Grey spins out of it, turns, and dives behind Handbasket rolling her up in the process.

1..

2..

..3!

Robin O’Ryan: Here is your winner, Casey Grey!

“Hell Yeah” by Rev Theory cues up and Casey Grey has her hand raised. The Bell of Bitchville then helps her shocked opponent up and pats her on the back before the scene cuts.

The next contest begins quite quickly as Jake Archer nails Samantha Hamilton in the back of the head with a superkick while her back was turned. However, Hamilton absorbs the impact and then turns a glare that could make Satan’s blood run cold. Hamilton throws a wild lariat and Archer ducks underneath it. Archer quickly hits the ropes and targets the Titaness.

Filth Murphy: What a leader we have! The Boss is out here showing his roster what Elysium is all about.

Thad Balk: So his delusions have infected you too?

Filth Murphy: What? He is THE BOSS, THE BOSS, --

Thad Balk: Stop.

On his return Archer looks for a running crossbody but Hamilton catches him. It appears that The Titaness is going to try for a spin out side slam but Archer incredibly counters it into a flying armbar. The Titaness’ quickly rolls forward and picks Archer up off the mat in an impressive feat of strength. Hamilton dives forward and tosses the self-proclaimed Boss hard into a corner.

Thad Balk: Samantha Hamilton believes that winning the Summit Series is her destiny.

Filth Murphy: Could be but for here to wins this whole thing she’s gonna have to face F.M. Young for the third time. Considering that she has never beaten Young, the odds aren’t in her favour.

Thad Balk: Well Hamilton already has two points in this series and with the World Champion as her mentor I believe that the Samantha Hamilton that F.M. Young faces in two weeks is very different from the one she has faced before.

Not wanting to let the momentum swing in the other direction Archer pulls himself up using the middle rope and then explodes out of the corner but his explosion is met with a discus clothesline from Hamilton that turns The Greatkeeper inside out. Archer is left up looking at the lights with a dazed and confused expression. Hamilton slowly stands up over top of him and glares down at him, let me tell ya -- it’s menacing.

Filth Murphy: How dare she assault the man who signs her paycheques! No one ever became a mega star by attacking their boss.

Hamilton gets Archer up by the hair and holds him there. Hamilton snickers at Archer and then winds up. Hamilton tries to hit Archer with the mother of all bitch slaps but Archer gets his forearm up to block it. Archer breaks Hamilton’s hold on his hair with a stiff kick to the mid-section and stands. Archer holds his left fist up in the air which catches Hamilton’s attention and then he drops her with a jab from his left. Archer’s expression is no longer dazed and confused, in fact he looks pretty pleased with himself.

Filth Murphy: Bang!

Thad Balk: I have said it many times in the past but if Jake Archer would just focus he could really be a star in this company.

Filth Murphy: He already is something! The G.O.A.T., The Best, The Greatkeeper, and of course The B--

Thad Balk: Don’t.

Filth Murphy: --oss.

The Titaness rises but man is she groggy. Archer sees this as his opportunity so he rushes the ropes and hits a handspring, Archer then comes flying back looking for The Move I Beat The World With! (Handspring into a Salida del Sol) but Hamilton shoves him forward and Archer lands with a thud on his back. Hamilton pulls him back up by the back of his tights and then lifts him into the air before planting him with Zeus’ Wrath (One Winged Angel)! Hamilton covers and she doesn’t look happy about the fight that Archer put up.

1..

2..

..!

Archer kicks out and everyone in the arena seems genuinely surprised. Hamilton remains focussed, she drops a few sharp elbows onto the top of Archer’s head and then lifts him up to his feet. Hamilton tries to drag Archer toward a corner but Archer plants his feet and refuses to be moved any further.

Thad Balk: Like a puppy out for its first walk, Archer has decided that he is not going any further.

Filth Murphy: Fuck man I love dogs.

The Greatkeeper breaks Hamilton’s hold on him and then looks to run toward the ropes but Hamilton grabs his hair again, halting his momentum. Archer’s expression turns angry and he leaps backward to catch Hamilton with a Pele kick! Hamilton is staggered back into a corner.

Thad Balk: Excellent defensive move from Jake Archer. Now he needs to build on this.

Archer darts toward Hamilton and hits her with a diving shoulder block into the corner. Hamilton gets the wind knocked out of her and Archer nails her with a dropsault. Hamilton stumbles out of the corner and that’s when Archer dashes, hits a springboard and nails Hamilton with the SuperSlap (Springboard Bitch Slap) to the face.

Thad Balk: That was… disrespectful.

Filth Murphy: Also hilarious.

Hamilton drops to a knee, holding her face. Archer looks to rush her but Hamilton shoots a glare his way that stops The Greatkeeper in his tracks. Archer winds up and unloads a superkick, however, Hamilton grabs his boot and pulls him into the Exiled To Tartarus (Sleeper Hold).

Thad Balk: Jake Archer is going to have a difficult time getting out of this one.

Filth Murphy: Yeah she’s crazy strong. Like a lady gorilla. What are they called?

Thad Balk: Gorillas.

Filth Murphy: No. I said lady gorillas, what are they called?

Thad Balk: Gorillas.

Filth Murphy: And you say that I’m immature.

Archer begins to fade, you can see the light leaving his eyes as Hamilton squeezes as hard as she can. Some of the “smarter” fans in the audience try to will The Greatkeeper on but Hamilton has the hold locked in tight. When it appears that Archer is out the referee takes hold of his hand and lifts his arm. He lets it fall and it goes limp.

Thad Balk: Samantha Hamilton is two fallen arms away from another two points in this Summit Series.

The referee lifts Archer’s up for the second time and then lets it drop for a second time. The referee lifts Archer’s arm up a third time and then lets go. Instead of it falling, Archer grabs the back of Hamilton’s head with both hands and then drops to his backside with a jawbreaker!

Filth Murphy: Huge!

Thad Balk: Archer can be amazing sometimes.

Filth Murphy: He is amazing at all times!

Hamilton is holding her mouth in agony as Archer ascends to the top rope. Archer seems poised for a moonsault but Hamilton shakes the top rope and he falls, straddling the turnbuckle facing the crowd. Hamilton then stomps over and positions Archer for Atlas Shrugged (Widow’s Peak). Hamilton steps forward and drops, nailing the move perfectly. Hamilton then rolls over and covers.

1..

2..

..3!

Robin O’Ryan: Here is your winner, “The Titaness” Samantha Hamilton!

“You’re Going Down” by Sick Puppies cues up and Hamilton has her hand raised. She steps toward the hard camera and motions that she wants a title, likely the Iron Title, probably the Iron Title.

The bell sounds and Psico rushes right at Young, right into a short arm elbow smash. Psico drops and Young picks him up. Young shoots Psico into the corner and follows that up with a running body avalanche. Psico staggers out of the corner and Young flies into the opposing ropes.

Thad Balk: This is going to be an uphill battle for Psico.

On Young’s return she nearly cuts Psico in half with a spear. Psico is down but Young stands him back up, winds up and blasts him with the Man-Machine Interface (Discus Clothesline). Young then climbs to the top rope and lands right on Psico with the Battery Powered Bombshell (Shooting Star Senton). Young hooks the leg.

1..

2..

..3!

Robin O’Ryan: Here is your winner and still Elysium Pro Wrestling Iron Champion, “The One Woman Army” F.M. Young!

“Run You” by The Qemists hits and Young is handed her championship. That’s when her music cuts and “You’re Going Down” by Sick Puppies hits the speakers. Samantha Hamilton walks down the ramp and her eyes are fixed on the champion.

Thad Balk: These two have a history and are set to face each other next Frontline. They each have four points now and the winner of next week’s will go to the Series Finals as the Iron Champion.

Filth Murphy: Fuck that let’s just do it right now!

Hamilton enters the ring and gets right in Young’s face. The referee stands between them but neither tries to throw hands, neither tries to do anything. They just stare at each other, they both know exactly what is on the line in their upcoming third match.

Both Erickson and Gates are staring daggers at one another. It's no secret they're both here with something to prove, and are very eager and wanting to draw blood from the other person. Gates licks his lips while the two circle around one another. Both run forward and - in all irony of ironies - attempt to use the exact same move against one another! Both Erickson and Gates go for a Vertical Suplex!

Thad Balk: I assumed that this match would start with some strikes.

Filth Murphy: So did they! They both thought the other would strike so they went for a hold.

Thad Balk: You should never smoke marijuana again. You are so much better at this sober.

Filth Murphy: Don’t get use to it Textbook.

After fighting one another for a bit, Gates overpowers Erickson and completes the technique. He smirks arrogantly, glancing down at the prone woman. "What's wrong, sweetie? I didn't knock too much wind outta you, did I?" he taunts.

Thad Balk: That comment will cost him.

But Erickson quickly proves she's not completely out of this equation or fight. She gets quickly back up to her feet and retaliates with a Rolling Elbow on Gates's face! But wait, there's more! Erickson reaches down, gripping a handful of Gates's hair and forcing him to his feet. She then slips behind him and flips him over her with a graceful German Suplex!

Thad Balk: It must be very hard for Tiami Erickson to operate inside the rules of this match after what Gates and Villalobos did to her friend K-Remix.

Filth Murphy: Yeah well if she can beat Gates then that puts YEAR/ZERO in a better position to win the Tag Team Titles. Hurting Enigma Protocol physically is one thing but take there titles and that’s real revenge.

Thad Balk: I concur.

Filth Murphy: Don’t fucking swear at me man.

Gates stays down for at least a minute. Probably counting stars -- maybe ducks, sheep, or some other animal -- circling over his head. While slowly getting up, he blinks to adjust his sight.

Thad Balk: I’m not sure that Ryan Gates is with us right now.

Erickson, meanwhile, is celebrating by standing atop the second ropes, raising a clenched fist in the air. She seems under the impression the match is completely under her control. When she sees Holland hastily pointing behind her, however, she's given a very harsh reality check, courtesy of Gates's Signature Move Out of the Shadows (Superkick)! The Pretty Badass almost immediately falls down onto the canvas, taking her turn to lay on her back.

Thad Balk: Time could be up for Tiami Erickson.

Even though he could easily end the match here and now, Gates doesn't. He wants to toy around just a bit more. Whether he's trying to anger Erickson more or Holland is beyond anyone's guess. But the sadistic look in his eyes spells his intentions are less than pure.

Filth Murphy: Enigma Protcol know how to get in their opponents’ heads, that’s why they are the Tag Team Champions. That’s why they are the most feared fuckin’ gang in Elysium.

Thad Balk: They are successful through fear but I don’t think that YEAR/ZERO fears them.

Grabbing Erickson by her arms, he pulls her towards the center of the ring, ensuring Holland can't immediately come and rescue her. He then kneels down beside her, grabs a fistful of Erickson's hair, and smells it. He looks smugly to Villalobos, who make a rapid exchange in Spanish. The two teammates both laugh before Gates turns his attention back to Erickson.

Filth Murphy: Okay even I think that’s weird.

His grip on Erickson's hair disappears, as he wraps his arms around his opponent. Soon, she's placed over his shoulders and laid out in a fireman's carry. Gates unceremoniously drops her back down. Before she meets the canvas, however, Erickson's midsection is first impacted with both of Gates's knees. Gates goes for the cover!

1..

2..

..!

Thad Balk: Hard to understand how Erickson kicked out of that. She just had all of the air driven out of her by Gates’ knees.

Albuquerque pops as Erickson kicks out. Holland tries to motivate her from ringside but Gates runs up and kicks the ropes right in front of Holland. The former World Champion doesn’t flinch, he just glares at Gates. Gates turns back to Erickson and looks to stand her up but Erickson surprises Gates with a scoop brainbuster! Erickson shoots the the half for a pin attempt.

1..

2..

..!

Filth Murphy: Holy shit she almost did it! Maybe she has learned something in the last few months.

Gates kicks out and instead of taunting Villalobos, Erickson mounts Gates and starts hitting him with lefts and rights. With Gates sufficiently subdued Erickson stands him up, folds his one leg underneath him and then lifts him up for a quick shin breaker. Gates grasps at his leg in agony.

Thad Balk: Tiami Erickson may be looking for her new Dark Sun submission. If she can lock it in then Ryan Gates could be going hom a loser tonight.

Erickson doesn’t waste any time looking to lock in her Dark Sun (Figure Eight Leglock) but when she looks to turn Gates kicks her in the backside and it sends her forward into the ropes. Gates calls to the referee to check on his shin and that disracts the referee long enough for Villalobos to blast Erickson with a loaded fist. Holland sees this and immediately starts sprinting around the ring toward Villalobos.

Thad Balk: Come on ref! You had to know that there would be interference here tonight. Villalobos had a goddamn chain wrapped around his fist.

Filth Murphy: Yeah it was super bad ass.

Erickson is laid out and Gates dives into the cover. On the outside Holland spears Villalobos to the floor and begins laying into him with shots. Gates has Erickson covered and the referee makes the count.

1..

2..

..3!

Robin O’Ryan: Here is your winner, Elysium Pro Wrestling Tag Team Champion, “The Terror of Toledo” Ryan Gates!

No music plays because gates immediately slides out of the ring and hits Holland with a running forearm to the back of the head. Gates then gets Villalobos up and the two plan their next move.

Thad Balk: This was the plan all along. It’s two on one!

Gates gets Holland up and it looks as though they are going to hit Holland with Schrodinger’s Cat (3D) on the outside but as Villalobos gets himself set up Erickson comes flying through the ropes with a suicide dive that takes him down. Holland takes Gates down and it is a giant brawl ringside. Security floods ringside at the behest of Rick Walsh who is standing on the stage, shaking his head.

Our scene opens with "The Adorkable Angel" Azurine Vebbins twirling around in her Elysium Prom dress. Considering she's the only announced dancer, she decided to showcase the 2018 Elysium Promenade Queen sash draped over her right shoulder. She's waving to an imaginary audience with one hand while cradling a dozen lavender roses in her other arm. Yuki Kita asks what Vebbins is doing before such a crucial and important match.

Azurine Vebbins: I'm dreamin' of how I'll look at da Elysium Promenade, Yuki. Goin' to be da Belle of da Ball, fer sure, really. Have an amazin' dance partner in Jake Archer. Did I suggest he's like da guy who tried to horn in on Lorraine durin' Da Enchantment Under Da Sea Dance? Yes. It's a bleep move, but I'm just caught in da droes of passion. Oh, da jitterbugs are swarmin' in my stomach now. I mean, really what better place is deyr to describe where my anxiety is skyscraperin' dan Da Pit? Nowhere. It's going to be an incredible match between Alyssa and I. We could possibly steal da show if anoder match already hasn't. Summit Series, I don't want to be scoreless. Summit Series, I need to score more. But first, I should change...don't want to ruin dis clean dress with da dirty dancin' I'll be performin' with Miss Daniels tonight.

The segment ends with Kita telling the cameraman to avert the video lens away from Vebbins as she changes into her ring gear. Once the change occurs, Yuki Kita smiles and throws the action back to ringside.

The backstage is quiet as Elina Cartel bursts through a side door with Tony Chu in tow. It appears as though Elina is trying to escape him. She storms down the hallway with him in hot pursuit as he calls after her like he’s Ducky and she’s Pretty in Pink.

It’s just a pinch sad.

Handsome Tony: Elina! Wait! What’s going on?

Elina ignores Tony and continues down the hallway, she weaves around backstage staffers who inevitably get in Tony’s way. When Elina finally reaches an exit, she finds it’s locked. She pounds against the door and finally lets out a sigh and turns around just in time to be face to face with Tony.

Handsome Tony: Talk to me.

Elina Cartel: You heard me the first time.

Tony sneers as he adjusts his custom Brooks Brothers suit and takes a moment to smooth out his hair.

Handsome Tony: I couldn’t hear you over the sound of this beautiful suit wrinkling because you made me sort-of-run.

Elina Cartel: We’re done. Your services are no longer required.

Tony flashes a cheshire grin.

Handsome Tony: See that’s where you’re wrong. All I have to do is make a couple phone calls and the truth will come out and then you’re out on your fanny and you’ll forever have an asterisk beside your name, like you’re Tom Brady, only, like, you don’t kiss your son on the mouth.

Elina mirrors Tony’s cheshire grin, for the first time in a long time, she shows her fang like teeth. Her eyes somehow glow. Tony takes a subtle step backwards in his Bruno Magli originals.

Elina Cartel: And you just love lording that fact over me, don’t you? Yes. You held my career in your hands and it brought you great satisfaction, but those days are over.

Tony looks up from his phone, he’s been playing a game while Elina’s been talking.

Handsome Tony: Hmm? Were you talking?

Elina exhales heavily.

Elina Cartel: Tony, tomorrow I am turning over a ‘new leaf’ as it were. It was my intention to do so tonight, but it will have to wait.

Handsome Tony: Why is that?

Elina Cartel: So that I can do this.

Elina shoves Tony backwards and leaps forward and hits her 540° kick. Tony goes down harder than the Titanic and he’s legit knocked out on the ground. Elina crouches over him and smacks him until he snaps out of it.

Handsome Tony: No I don’t want to go to piano lessons… What? What happened?

Elina pulls a document out of her pocket and unfolds it. She holds it up to Tony’s face, but he avoids looking at it.

Handsome Tony: I don’t have my reading glasses.

With that said, Elina takes a fist of Tony’s lovely hair and forces his head up to look at the document.

Handsome Tony: There are easier ways to get me to do your taxes.

Tony rolls over onto his side and vomits.

Handsome Tony: You are so fucking done. Like O-M-G done. Get it? I only say acronyms phonetically when I’m really feeling vindictive.

Elina Cartel: Read it!

Tony rolls over onto his back again and plucks the document from her hand and takes at least two minutes to pull out his reading glasses, unfold them, and place them on his face. One of the lenses is broken, but he ignores it by closing one eye to read.

Handsome Tony: A doctor’s release. Big deal. I can type these up in my sleep.

Elina Cartel: I have many more where those came from and they are quite real, Tony. Like I said, your services are no longer required.

Tony takes an additional two or three minutes to carefully take off his reading glasses, fold them back up, place them back into their case, and return them to his pocket. He hands Elina the document and pushes himself up to a seated position.

Handsome Tony: This is a sad night, indeed.

Elina stands.

Elina Cartel: You’ll get over it Tony, I’m sure you will. I never doubted your resourcefulness.

Handsome Tony: That’s not what I meant, I meant that I put my hand in my barf when I pushed myself up.

Tony stands up and immediately staggers to the left and leans up against the wall beside him.

Handsome Tony: I’m going to figure out how to fuck you, Elina.

Tony thinks about it for a moment.

Handsome Tony: That didn’t sound right. I mean, I’m going to get revenge on you.

Elina nods.

Elina Cartel: I’d like to see you try.

With that said, there’s another flash--a glow in Elina’s eyes as she shows her fang like teeth before turning around and walking away. Tony watches her as she goes.

Handsome Tony: I’m serious! I have like, all of the clients right now. I’m what’s hot and fresh right now! You are seriously crushing me right now. Come back.

Tony tries to walk, but falls against the wall again.

Handsome Tony: Well fine, you take off! But eventually, I will figure out how to walk again and you’ll be sorry missy! I promise I’m going to fuck you, Elina!

Tony thinks about it for a moment.

Handsome Tony: Get...revenge. You know what I mean. Also, sorry for cursing so much on a show that may or may not be meant for children.

With that said, the feed cuts away.

The bell sounds and instead of a slow walk to the center of the ring both competitors rush in at each other. Elina Cartel hits Boots Martin with a series of hard martial arts kicks. Martin does her best to cover up but Cartel is lightning quick, the champion is all focus right now with her title and two points on the line.

Thad Balk: This match has had a great many people talking.

Filth Murphy: Yeah because these two are going to wail on each other! I fully expect this to be insane.

Martin has eaten five hard shots from Ms. Stardust and that’s when Cartel attempts a muay thai clinch. Martin scrambles to stop it from happening but Cartel is all willpower. However, Martin stops that shit with an uppercut to the face and then takes a brief second to regain her composure.

Thad Balk: A hard shot from Martin. She knows that she can’t let Cartel get the upper hand early.

Cartel is sent reeling backwards into a corner. Martin takes a few seconds to make some calculations and then starts with a jog towards Cartel that quickly turns into a full blown sprint from across the ring. Following a two foot take off Martin flies into the corner with an attempted. busaiku knee kick but Cartel moves and Martin hits the corner, hard.

Filth Murphy: Come on Boots! You should have given her even a second to see that coming.

Thad Balk: Cartel is the only two time champion in Elysium, she knows what she has to do to keep her gold.

Filth Murphy: Yeah and it’s going to take everything she has.

Martin looks to rally back by using her foot to push off of the middle rope in an attempt to propel herself at Cartel but the champion is faster. Cartel comes flying at her with an enziguiri that sends Martin through the ropes to the outside. Martin lands in a heap and we get a shot from Martin’s prone body with Cartel standing tall in the ring.

Thad Balk: Cartel with a massive kick.

Cartel wastes no time she dashes across the ring and then comes back looking for a suicide dive but Martin jumps up at the last second and knees Cartel right in the chin. The sound is horrifying, bone on bone and if you look close enough you can see Cartel’s eyes roll into the back of her head before she hits the floor like the proverbial sack of potatoes. Or a sack of anything really. More like a sack of meat actually.

Thad Balk: Oh my! I could hear that impact over here.

Filth Murphy: Even with a headset on!

Thad Balk: Which tells you how vile it was.

Cartel drops and finds herself propped up by the steel steps, likely out of instinct alone. Cartel is in a daze, her head is spinning and we can see her trying to focus but she is clearly pretty out of it. Martin on the other hand seems to be primed and ready to take this one home. Martin winds up and targets the champion.

Thad Balk: If she hits this shot then the tide in this match has turned. Cartel has a history of head injuries, it’s what caused her to lose her first Hybrid Championship.

Born To Kill looks for a hard kick to Cartel’s head, trying to use the steps in the most legal way. It seems that the champion was able to get her mind right because Cartel rolls out of the way just in time. Martin kicks the steel steps as hard as she can and well… it looks like it hurt. Like, alot.

Thad Balk: That may have broken Boots’...foot.

Filth Murphy: Did you take my weed?

Thad Balk: Certainly not.

Cartel pops back up and cracks her neck in a way that makes her look like a complete badass. She is pissed, Martin just tried to kill her. The champion lines her opponent up and looks for a spinning knee kick. Martin stops worrying about her own damaged foot and catches Cartel’s leg.

Filth Murphy: Not today Stardust!

Martin scolds Cartel with a wag of the finger and then pulls her in close for the first time in this contest. Cartel tries to fight out of it but a few well placed elbows to the side of the head subdue Cartel long enough for Martin to be able to toss Cartel overhead with an exploder suplex into the guard rail. Cartel lands all folded up, the camera pans over to show Martin with a satisfied smirk on her face.

Thad Balk: The referee needs to get this fight back in the ring. They are liable to kill each other on the outside.

Filth Murphy: Frontline turns into a snuff film, it was bound to happen at some point.

Smelling blood in the water (like a shark), Martin stands Cartel up and she slaps her in the face a few times. Martin then gets some leverage and lifts Cartel up for only a brief second before she lets go and drops Cartel throat first over the barricade. Cartel drops and rolls around on the outside mats grasping at her neck.

Thad Balk: Martin knows what is on the line right now and she will do anything to win.

Filth Murphy: Which is the right mentality to have.

Thad Balk: She cannot win on the outside, she needs to move this back into the ring.

The referee is at a count of eight when Martin rolls into the ring, for a moment, to break the count. Martin exits the ring and takes hold of Cartel. Martin gets a bit of a jog going and then she beales Cartel over the announce table on to Filth Murphy and Thad Balk!

Filth Murphy: Incomin--

Cartel’s flying body wipes out both of the announcers and Martin looks pretty pleased about it. Murphy helps Balk up as Martin moves around the announce table. Murphy shouts something to Martin, who just scowls at him. Murphy changes his mind and gives her a thumbs up before turning his attention back to helping his broadcast partner. Martin grabs Cartel by the hair and seems poised to take her back to the ring and get that victory (+2 points of course).

The woman who claims to be Born To Kill tries to bring Cartel back to the ring but Cartel surprises her with a high kick to the face. Martin staggers a bit so Cartel hits her with another and then another and another (etc.) until Martin falls back onto the announce table. Martin knows that this isn’t where she wants to be but a final spinning heel kick keeps her there for the moment.

Filth Murphy: You alright Textbook?

Thad Balk: I will be fine but I cannot say the same for Boots Martin.

Filth Murphy: Yeah Elina looks ready to straight up murder her.

Cartel climbs up on top of the announce table, mounting Martin. In a rage that we’ve never seen from the Inquiring Mind, Cartel unleashes a flurry of hard shots to the face of the challenger. This time it’s Martin’s eyes that have rolled back into her head. The referee’s count is nearly at ten again when Cartel slides back into the ring. The count restarts and instead if sliding under the bottom rope Cartel climbs to the top rope.

Thad Balk: This is a bad idea Elina, don’t do it!

Cartel has her back to Martin, who is still prone on the announce table. Surprisingly, Albuquerque is on the side of the two time Hybrid Champion. Cartel seems to take a mental note of this and then looks back to make sure that Martin is still prone. Cartel takes a deep breath and then leaps off of the top rope with an impressive moonsault that lands right on target, putting Martin through the announce table.

Thad Balk: Oh my God! They have obliterated our announce table!

Filth Murphy: Yeah and they spilled my entire can of Yurba Mate! How dare you!

The referee decides to forego the count out, he doesn’t want to start a riot by counting both of these warriors out. Smart move but he should have been doing that from the get go. Where is the consistency? Anyway, Cartel is up first and she drags Martin back towards the ring. Martin half heartedly tries to fight back but Cartel knees her in the face to shut that shit down.

Thad Balk: The champion is in control and it seems that this contest is going to move back into the ring, where it belongs.

Cartel puts her opponent in the ring and then she herself climbs up onto the apron. Cartel looks around to the audience in Albuquerque, they are supporting her and she seems a little confused as to why, albeit grateful. Martin stands up in an effort to get herself back into the fight but Cartel hits a springboard into the ring and blasts Martin with a leg lariat. Cartel makes the first cover of the contest.

1..

2..

..!

Thad Balk: The champion nearly retains and secures another two points.

Filth Murphy: We both know that it is going to take more than that Textbook.

Martin is able to kick out and the audience isn’t exactly pumped about it. Cartel puts some space between herself and her challenger, when Martin gets up to one knee Cartel runs in and looks for a shining wizard but Martin rolls sideways and then pops up to drop Cartel with a leaping ¾ cutter!

Thad Balk: Boots Martin really needed that to work and she connected perfectly! Cartel is down.

Perhaps just out of instinct Cartel gets right back up but Martin grabs Cartel’s arm and hits her with a fallaway boot kick. Cartel staggers back into a corner and Martin runs in at her. Cartel hoists herself up so that Martin eats her knees. Cartel is now standing on the middle rope and she leaps off for a headscissors takedown but Martin counters it with Burn The Legions (Sit-Out Powerbomb). Martin covers for the first time.

1..

2..

..!

Thad Balk: I thought that was it for sure Murphy.

Filth Murphy: I am torn. On one hand I want Boots to win but on the other… well Cartel has been one hell of a champion. I just don’t know if she can survive much longer.

Cartel is able to kick out and pop back up to her feet. Martin attempts a spin kick by the wiley champion ducks under it and has an Eclipse (540 gyro crescent kick) in the chamber! Cartel unloads it but Martin evades it and grabs Cartel’s hand, looking for the Motor City Massacre (Ripcord Lariat).

Thad Balk: If Martin hits this then it is all over!

Cartel ducks under that and charges up her Supernova (Wind Up Overhead Kick) but Martin jumps backward to evade it. Cartel lands on her feet but Martin runs in with a knee to the back of Cartel’s head. With Cartel face down on the mat Martin sets her up and nearly puts Cartel’s face through the mat with the Welcome To Eight Mile (Surfboard Curbstomp). Martin falls into the cover.

1..

2..

..3!

Robin O’Ryan: Here is your winner and new Elysium Pro Wrestling Hybrid Champion, “Born To Kill” Boots Martin!

“Tear You Apart” by She Wants Revenge plays throughout the arena but we can only hear bits and pieces of it, that’s how hard Albuquerque is booing. The referee hands Boots Martin her newly won championship and Martin holds it high in the air for all to see. Martin looks exhausted and is breathing hard but she grabs the camera lens, making it focus on her and she holds up four fingers, then the championship before our copyright appears and the show ends.