GLITCHES - APRIL 20TH, 2019

The much anticipated episode of GLITCHES began with the ring announcer standing mid ring with a confused and somewhat pained expression on his face, as if he were about to deliver an announcement that the sold out house at the Sanctum would not like very much. “Ladies and gentlemen, on behalf of Elysium we regret to inform you--”

But, at that exact moment “Death Becomes Him” begins to filter through the sound system as Erik Holland and Lyric make their way through the smoke to the customary cheers. Interestingly enough, Erik and Lyric have both Tag Team Championships but there is no sign of Marcus Levine as the Most Dangerous reaches the ring and, well, as politely as Holland can muster, he extricates the microphone from the ring announcer and sits cross-legged mid ring. One tag title is over his shoulder, and Lyric carries the other in her hands in front of her.

TB: Holland wasn’t advertised for this episode of Glitches, I mean--it’s always good to see him, but what is he doing here?

FM: Wants the spotlight on himself, as always!

“I will need you to hold off on that announcement, or more accurately allow ME to make it.”

Erik looks around at the audience as they settle back into their seats.

“What our dear friend here was about to tell you is that Elysium has been in a little bit of trouble lately. What should surprise none of you is that the Leadership has run things straight into the ground around here. They wanted to save Elysium, make it better, all the things they PROMISED you, but all they succeeded in is losing this company a lot of money and losing your faith in what this company CAN acheive. So naturally, as it GOES with these suits, with these rich assholes..”

That illicits a little laughter, albeit nervous laughter, from the crowd.

“They wanted to dump stock. All of it. They wanted to liquidate this fuckin’ place, they wanted to get their golden parachutes and fuck off to Tahiti or wherever these rich assholes like to go. But a consortium at the last possible second got in the room with them. A consortium with multiple streams of consistent revenue, smart lawyers, smart businessmen, and a deep, undying love for the sport of wrestling that there was no way they were leaving that room without a deal. And a deal was struck, people, the Leadership sold every last red cent of their controlling stock to that consortium under the understanding that they’d take this place to heights they’ve never reached before. I am sure you’re wondering now, just WHO it was...”

Erik lowers the mic for a second, letting that sink in.

“The consortium was ME.”

Absolute bedlam in Toronto.

FM: NO.

“I NOW OWN ELYSIUM PRO WRESTLING.”


TB: Oh my God! Our first World Champion has purchased the entire company! What can this mean for Elysium in the future!

FM: We’re doomed! We’re fucking doomed!

Erik stares out into the crowd with an intense look as they cheer this announcement, a savage grin playing across his face as he stands up.

“And so that we can get on with what Elysium is known for--the WRESTLING--I got a couple announcements to make. First, what to do with these things…”

He has Lyric give him the other Tag Team Championship, and with a kiss he sets both of them on the mat in front of him.

“Being that I am now in charge, I had to do somethin’ about this. I have a problem with guys in power having championships. And couple that with the fact that my trustworthy partner Marcus Levine has not returned my phone calls in a couple months, I’ve pretty much arrived at the conclusion that this little experiment has reached its conclusion. SO. Effective immediately I am relieving myself and Marcus Levine of the Elysium Tag Team Championships.“


The crowd gives some excited buzzy sort of noises as Erik scratches his chin.

“But how do we determine the new champions? I mean, sheesh, guys...we have a method of doing that, don’t we?”

Erik turns around and faces the ‘Tron as what appears to be a tournament bracket has come to life.

“I’ve been in the background, making moves, confirming things as Glitches approached and came to a conclusion. I feel the best way to determine who will be the Elysium Tag Team Champions going into the future would be to organize a one night challenge, something Elysium is VERY VERY familiar with. That means in May, eight teams from all over the wrestling world are gonna converge on the Sanctum for the 2019 WIDEAWAKE TOURNAMENT..”

TB: HELL YEAH! The Wideawake tournament has consistently been the way to settle questions about who our champions are here in the Last Kingdom!

“..to crown the new Tag Team Champions. Eight teams, one night, no questions asked. Now, I’m gonna shut the fuck up because there are some world class wrestlers in the back that cannot wait to come out here and beat the shit out of each other, for your entertainment. We’ll talk soon. Understand this, though, and I want the fucking camera on me while I say this..”

Dutifully, the camera swings around to face Holland as he gets right up on the side ropes, staring the camera directly in the face.

“As long as I am in charge, Elysium goes NOWHERE. The Last Kingdom ENDURES. And Pro Wrestling will TRANSFORM again and again by Elysium’s hand until we stand alone undeniable and incomparable.”

Holland drops the mic and exits the ring with Lyric and the Tag Team Championships, and I guess we’re getting under way!

From the moment this match started, it began on a very heated note. Both competitors ran up and locked with one another, each fighter seeming to have one thing and only one in their eyes. A fiery passion and equally burning desire to win. Lio would use his size and strength to assist in shoving Chelsea Pryce back. However, she didn’t stumble as far as back as the Nightmare King would have preferred, and actually caught her balance rather quickly.

Walsh smirks at the display of athleticism, knowing he’s going to get a decent fight for the first time in a while.

The two quickly begin exchanging blows as they get close to one another again. Sometimes the attacks come in the forms of elbows, others kicks, and there’s even the occasional suplex.

TB: What a physical contest here! The former Iron Champion is certainly taking the fight to Chelsea but she’s no slouch either!

FM: I just still can’t believe fucking Erik Holland is in charge of Elysium...

For a bit, it appears as though Pryce gets the upper hand when she manages to secure Walsh in an ankle lock. Luckily, he’s able to use his free leg to kick The Ice Queen backward, forcing her to let go. He gets up on his feet, albeit with somewhat of a slight limp. But not enough to keep him from giving up in the fight.

Lio runs forward, managing to hoist Pryce up and - with almost no problems - lands a borderline perfect “Made of Nightmares” (Rock Bottom) against The Ice Queen.

He then goes for the pin …

1 …

2 …

3!

Winner: Lio Walsh

Time: 10:53

Method: Pinfall via “Made of Nightmares” Technique

TB: Big win by Lio Walsh here!

The next contest at Glitches featured the number one contender to the World Championship, Gabe Shelley, meeting one of Elysium’s newest acquisitions, a Pacific Northwest superstar in Stacy Deville. While they had something of a war of words on Twitter, when the bell rang they shook hands middle of the ring which illicited a nice response from the crowd.

That was where the nice, respectful stuff stopped.

What followed was an incredibly physical encounter with both competitors looking to make an impact--Gabe looking to demonstrate he’s ready to win the World Title and Stacy looking to shake things up in the main event picture. Fans of hard hitting wrestling got their moneys worth here as Gabe kept Stacy off balance by using the ropes and using his speed and unbelievable athletic ability, hitting her from a variety of directions with strikes and dives, even completing a plancha to the floor much to the delight of the crowd here in Toronto! A T-Bone suplex, a Back suplex and a Falcon Arrow all got him close two-counts, as well.

Not to be outdone Stacy came firing back, blitzing Shelley and tossing him around the ring with her signature variety of suplexes. The crowd “OOH”ed every time Gabe crashed unceremoniously onto his head and neck, torturing him with that amateur wrestling prowess and keeping the number one contender grounded. Eventually Stacy got a tight waistlock and was able to complete four rolling German Suplexes in a row, with the crowd counting along.

Fired up, Stacy rolls up and goes for a fifth German but Gabe completes an athletic counter, hooking his legs around Stacy’s thighs and rolling through to get a CLOSE two-count! He rolls out of it, delivers a Cannonball to Stacy’s chest and then follows that up with a Jersey Cutter, but Mama Bear BARELY gets away! Gabe heads for the top and executes a Frog Splash but Stacy gets the knees up! Gabe stumbles away and back into Stacy’s waiting arms where she sends him on the Oregon Trail! TWO COUNT!!

TB: NOT yet! Shelley doesn’t die of dysentery here despite being put in the Oregon Trail!

FM: ...do you listen to yourself!?

Stacy drags a thumb across her throat and hauls Gabe up looking for the Deville Driver, but Gabe throws an elbow, spins out of it and gets behind Stacy, delivering a hard back cracker! He hangs onto her chin, drags her up and delivers another before rolling through into the crossface to complete Bright Lights! Stacy fights HARD in the hold, even trying to roll through into the ropes but Gabe deftly counters the roll by shifting his weight so they’re both in the center of the ring! Stacy continues to fight but Gabe CRANKS hard on the crossface!

Stacy taps out!

Winner: Gabe Shelley

Time: 13:22

Method: Submission via Bright Lights

Even though Stacy’s obviously mad that she lost, and doesn’t exactly feel like being sportsmanlike, Gabe after celebrating extends his hand to Stacy to congratulate her for a great match. The very intense Stacy stares at him for a couple moments, holding her neck, then grabs his hand for a real quick sock-in-a-cup type of shake before she exits the ring.

TB: The number one contender is on a roll! All that’s left is the World Championship!

FM: One more match here.. Maybe they’ll finally shut up after this.

TNP INC. (CHALLENGERS) VS. AZURINE VEBBINS, MARIANO FERNANDEZ AND TALIA AREANO (CHAMPIONS)

#TriadChampionships

TB: Remember, as this gets underway--Triad Championship matches are fought under Lucha Rules here in the Last Kingdom! That means partners DO NOT need to tag to become legal!

These six superstars set Twitter on fire in the last month leading up to this contest and when the bell rang, not a one of them disappointed. The champions took the early advantage in the beginning, showing why they have dominated the Triad division for as long as they have, using a variety of double and triple team maneuvers to isolate Leah from her partners Jay Aguero and Q. Leah showed a lot of toughness though surviving the double and triple teaming with kickout after kickout until she was able to create some seperation with a Tornado DDT on Da Troll Guy, which allowed her roll out of the ring and let Q become legal!

Q took over with power, delivering an array of suplexes to the Triad Champions and nearly getting a three count on Fernandez with a Dragon Suplex before she got dropkicked in the head by Vebbins! Vebbins quickly darted out of the ring to let Talia make herself legal, and Talia took advantage by absolutely blasting Q with Rush Hour! She goes for a cover but Aguero physically picks Talia off the pinfall and tosses her to the outside on top of Vebbins! Aguero gets an Arrow to the Knee from Fernandez followed by a Gadfly kick to the skull for a CLOSE two count!

This continues for the next several minutes as these teams are so closely matched. Signature moves, bodies flying everywhere, two counts, double and triple teaming...this six-person chaos includes a Tower of Doom spot in the corner that spills all six competitors all over the ring much to the delight of the Sanctum!

Aguero and Fernandez pick themselves up out of the wreckage, re-colliding in the middle of the ring with a flurry of powerful strikes, the crowd OOHing along with every collision. Mariano finally seemingly gets the upper hand and drills Jay in the head with a Pele kick, but fueled purely by adrenaline Jay ERUPTS with the Perfect Shot, his discus clothesline! As Talia gets taken out by Q on the outside and Leah drops Vebbins, Jay POWERS Manny up and down with the Perfect Driver! Leg hook!

1 …

2 …

3!

Winner: New Triad Champions, TNP Inc.

Time: 24:14

Method: Pinfall by Jay Aguero via “Perfect Driver”

The crowd cheers new champions being crowned as Leah and Q tackle their big buddy in the middle of the ring, celebrating with their new titles. The former champs gather in the ring as well, apologizing to one another as Manny is starting to recover, then they hug it out and shake hands with TNP Inc, raising their hands as the crowd cheers again, saluting the effort of all six competitors!

TB: We’ve got new Triad Champions! What an incredible match. Thank you for joining us at Glitches! We’ll see you in May for Frontline and the Wideawake tournament! Erik Holland’s in charge! My oh my!

FM: STOP reminding me…! See ya in May, fuck it!





MATCH RESULTS:

Lio Walsh def. Chelsea Pryce

Gabe Shelley def. Stacy Deville

TNP Inc def. Mariano Fernandez, Azurine Vebbins & Talia Areano to become the NEW Elysium Triad Champions